Free Beer, Scams, Schemes and All Round Fun

In England, beer is far too expensive all alcoholic drinks are, in fact, they're too expensive in most of the countries I've traveled too. Luckily, there are ways around these expenses, and as long as you're out with some like minded friends, you can have many night of free/cheap. Just follow these instructions.
Unless otherwise stated, these are all devised by me. They work best at festivals and sporting events, when the bar is really busy, but feel free to try anywhere, I certainly have.

1. Water-Logged

This was the first one I came up with. It works especially well at large events like stadium/arena shows and sporting events where they mass pour beers in advance since they know they'll be serving a lot.
For this one, you will need some beer to begin with, not very much, say three inches in the bottom of your cup, less if the cup isn't see through. To acquire this, you can either buy one beer, and drink most of it, or you can find some leftovers and use that. Once you have a small amount of beer in the bottom of your cup, all you need to do is fill it up mostly to the top with water, enough so it looks like beer, and it looks like you've drank some. Take this to the bar, and be as friendly as possible. Explain that you hate complaining, but you have too, you're beer is flat and you can barely drink it. If it's a big show, since they pour so many, it's common place for the beer to go flat and 9 times out of 10 they'll immediately replace it, or speak briefly to the manager who will signal for it to be replaced. The only time this nearly didn't work for me was when I was already drunk and didn't put fill my beer enough, so they said i'd drank too much already (he did eventually agree to replace it). The beauty of this is, you can use it again and again, as once you've used it once. you've got your beer supply and can keep getting it replaced. At the Alexandra palace, I did it 6 times in a row at different bars. The only drawback? you'll realize if you finish your beer, you'll have to pay for the next one, so you;ll drink yourself into the dust... This is my personal favorite, and gets me through festivals regularly.

2. Can-Do? Can-Did

This one is a version of the one above, i designed for bars where they only have cans, and it's beautiful in it's Machiavellianism, if i do say so myself. This scam involves switching drinks occasionally. Since a drink in a can won't be flat, you apply the same principle. Water the end of your drink and take it back to the bar, but this time, explain that you didn't order beer, but cider. They will quickly and apologetically replace your can of water for a lovely cold can of cider and you can be one your way. Rinse and repeat, but get yourself a beer. If you want to be really ballsy, just take a can from the bin, fill it with water, and take it to the bar to exchange for whatever you like in a different can, there's more chance they'll notice, but not likely when they're mad busy.

3. Hit-For-Six

This is a favorite of mine, and actually devised by a friend, as a variation on number one. This works solely at festivals, but It's absolute perfection if you ask me. At Glastonbury, and I'm sure many other festivals, if somebody orders 6 beers, they put them in a cardboard box with a handle. This is a scammers wet dream, due to it's easily breakable nature. For this, you won't need to buy anything. Go to the bin, and find one of these boxes, and 6 cups to go with it, suitably damage the box, then approach the bar. Tell the staff there that the box must have been broken when they gave it too you, as it broke the rest of the way, and all 6 of your freshly poured beers spilled on the ground. nine times out of ten, the friendly, over-worked bar staff will gladly replace your spilled beers, all six of them.

There's plenty more scams I use, but these are all the alcohol related ones I can think of right now. Eat drink and be merry friends, as all of these little tricks are a sure path to hell ;)

Everything written in this post is purely fictional, I've never actually done any of this stuff. You can't use it for entry in the Guinness book of world records (Guinness probably hate me anyway for all the free beer) and you certainly cant use it as grounds for prosecution. 

If you're  lawyer or law enforcement, you can stop reading now... 

for the rest of us, imagine a world where none of this disclaimer bullshit is necessary